my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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