Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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