If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
