Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize