Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
