at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
