maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
