if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
