Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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