apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize