I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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