I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He passed out mid-signature
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
