he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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