i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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