OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
