Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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