I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
