I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
