How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
