So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
