Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
