You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A bitchslap is in order.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
