Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
