Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
