I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
