I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
