I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize