Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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