Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
