How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
