You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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