I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
