I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
