Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
