Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
