I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize