So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
