How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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