I'm so fucking centered right now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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