shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
