He uses pillows to masturbate.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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