I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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