Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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