Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
