OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
