Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
party gras won. party gras always wins.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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