he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
