This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
