so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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