he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
