This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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