i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
