Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
