The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
