i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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