I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
