Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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