After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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