FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
