There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
