someone threw a dead crab at me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
