I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Less talking, more tequila
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
