I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
