Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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