i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
