i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We left the knife in your bed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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