I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
