Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
