How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
