girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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