no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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