Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
