I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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