Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
