I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
