If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize