you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
