She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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