Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
