Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
