Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
