it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
