I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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