Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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