Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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