Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
