My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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