Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
