Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
