Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
