before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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