woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
