Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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