Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
