I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
