I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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