I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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