Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize