I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
