A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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