four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
