Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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