Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
