Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
